Overcome fear
- Amazonia Arroyo
- May 26, 2024
- 5 min read
For many years, I have been observing and working on a behavioral pattern—my reaction when I am afraid. My response to the emotion that fear produces in me is to run away, and I will give two examples: In love, when I am afraid, I tend to run away. In yoga poses that scare me, when I get into the position, my reaction is to immediately get out of the pose and it could be dangerous.
This can be good or it can be negative. If I have to defend myself from something, it is good, but sometimes fear does not help us move forward; it does not help us face that new level we need to overcome. If I have to give a mentory to 100 people and react to my fear by running away, I would never deliver that lecture. Therefore, we need to know how to tame fear, to discern what fear has to tell us about love, professional changes, money etc.
In a course I took with Dr. Maria Dolores Paoli on Managing Fear in 2021, she explained the following: "when we are afraid, we do not have access to the executive functions of the brain—analytical thinking, higher decision-making, and compassionate presence. Fear makes us reactive; it disconnects us from the frontal neocortex. The neocortex slows down, and the limbic system becomes superactive". This happens at a neuronal level without us realizing it when we are afraid. Our body tenses up.
Fear cannot be avoided. We all experience this emotion and will feel it as long as we have a body. However, we can use tools to help us manage fear as:
Allow space:
If love comes into my life, fear immediately appears. I get very scared, and thoughts like "he will leave," "he will condition me," "will it be enough?" start arising due to my trauma related to my father, past experiences of violence, and the experiences of women in my family with men. I have to do a lot of work to ask myself, "Is this really true?" and return to Byron Katie's four questions:
Is it true?
Can you absolutely know that it's true?
How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?
Who would you be without the thought?
The pain caused by fear is due to anticipation. A person who was bitten by a dog as a child, if they didn't heal the trauma, tends to see a dog and react by running, fleeing, shouting, or freezing. This person, as an adult, anticipates a reaction based on what happened in their childhood. This wouldn't happen to someone who had a healthy relationship with dogs since childhood. I invite you to have your favorite drink while you talk to your fear, allowing yourself to feel it and not letting it control you.
Do not avoid fear:
Observing the emotion, feeling it, and not avoiding it helps us recognize it and then reprogram our thoughts with new behaviors. Patterns of thought keep us trapped in a small and fearful self. They inhibit us from connecting with the totality of who we are. In my process of not avoiding my fears, something I do when cycling with others is to inform them of my fear of going downhill. When I reach a high speed going downhill, I am very scared and always fall behind, while for others, downhill is the most fun part. At that moment, I have to manage the fear, breathe, recognize it, and understand that I will not go at the speed of others. It will take time to overcome, but I do not avoid it and inform my surroundings. I will not stop practicing cycling because of my fear of going downhill.
Recognise that you are not alone in feeling fear: I am a fan of Tim Ferris, and he says something very true: the same problem you have, millions of people have. So when you find yourself paralyzed by fear, go and ask how others have resolved it or dealt with it. It is important to talk and have spaces where we can be supported and communicate what we are experiencing. It helps to see other perspectives. Women's circle has been for me an important space to overcome my own fears in different aspects of my life.
Practice mindfulness:
When feeling fear, the mind goes to what might happen—for example, "I'm going to die," "they won't call me," "I am too old to find a job," "I won't succeed." Fear takes over, and this is when we need to return to mindfulness. How is this done? When I am in the yoga pose Halasana and it generates a lot of fear, breathing brings me back to mindfulness. Then I start to recognize where I am, my surroundings, my body. I recognize that I am in a safe place, that I have control over my body, that the instructor is there to guide me. I observe the agitation in my breathing; the fear is deep, and I gradually slow my breathing. Holding this fear in mindfulness has led me to reprogram my brain in other areas. It is a practice that gradually becomes mastered.
Be gentle
The key here is to be gentle and compassionate with yourself. We demand from ourselves, criticize ourselves constantly, and disqualify ourselves. Compassion helps strengthen neural connections, and when fear rises to consciousness, it will find a much stronger neurological path if we are gentle in the face of fear. Thanks to the practice of yoga and meditation, I increasingly recognize this pattern and am learning to hold the discomfort of fear.
You cannot imagine the fear I have experienced during this life transition I am going through—changing countries, profession, language. I know I am not the only one going through these fears, which is why it is so important for me to share and remind you that you can manage fear in all the transitions you are experiencing.
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Questions to reflect on:
What is behind that fear? Investigate, look into your childhood.
Where did you feel that fear before?
Are you willing to unlock the fear or will you stay in your comfort zone?
How do you react to your fear? Do you get frustrated, flee, cry, panic?
Are you able to ask for help? Are you compassionate with yourself?
How compassionate are you when someone else is afraid? Can you hold another person’s fear and be a safe place?
Recommendations for the week:
Dance: When was the last time you went dancing? Last Sunday, I danced bachata on the beach and laughed so much, enjoying it while letting go of some of my rigidity.
A book: "The Chimp Paradox" by Steve Peters.
A song: I love this free cover: Link to YouTube
Volunteer: Seek to help, serve someone from your abundance. Visit a nursing home, a foster home, teach an elderly person to use Google Maps or Excel. I invite you to do some volunteer work and realize that you are not an individual being but part of a whole.
If you've found value in this blog every Sunday, I invite you to donate. Your contribution help me maintain and enhance my work.
Amazonia Arroyo
Naked Woman
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